


Need Want Love

by shopfront



Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Drinking, Episode Related, Multi, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2807939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopfront/pseuds/shopfront
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Berlin wishes people would stop assuming that the only way things are going to end is with a love triangle. Alternate ending to 2x06, pre-Tommy/Irisa/Berlin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need Want Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mesonyx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mesonyx/gifts).



Berlin had a thing for strength. She had never been ashamed to admit that, about herself or about the people she chose to share her life with for a time. Human or alien, man or woman, one person or two or three, all of that was extraneous detail. Strength remained the one non-negotiable in her love life. 

She'd seen it in the fire of Irisa's eyes when Berlin challenged her over her weapons at their first meeting. It was always in Nolan when he took to the streets with the lawkeeper's badge on display, and in Amanda's stance day after day, whether she was playing the role of Mayor or Madam. It was even in the sadness on the lines of Tommy's face the first time he looked up at her, face splashed with droplets of soup and surprise colouring his grief.

It was the same strength that she looked for in the mirror, that intangible thing that shimmered when she looked at it and that straightened her spine and lit a fire in her belly. 

"You'll just have to trust me," he'd said, and the words had hit her like the butt of a gun to the stomach.

Trust. Berlin didn't trust. She knew, she fought, she was completely sure. Trust wasn't a luxury she believed in anymore.

"Amazing," she had replied, and then stopped herself, sucking air through her teeth and biting back words. 

_I hope she's worth it._

_I thought we were partners, that we were equals._

_I thought you respected me more than this._

_I see the same beautiful things in her that you do, let me help._

_Let us help her together._

"It's amazing to me that you think that response is good enough," Berlin snapped, once she'd wrestled her tongue back into submission. 

She didn't turn around to grace him with her gaze again, just straightened her back. 

"Come find me when you're ready to try that one again," she threw over her shoulder as she walked away.

By the time she dropped down on the bar beside Nolan to wait for a drink, Berlin's anger and confusion had simmered back down into weariness. He called her Barbie Doll and she barely blinked, just volleyed the smart arse remarks straight back at him and gave her usual signal for as many shots as the barkeep felt comfortable giving her - it was always a small kind of pleasure when Amanda had stepped away from the bar, the loss of eye candy and intelligent conversation was usually made up for by the more liberal servings of mind bending substances from her staff.

"Where's Tommy?"

"Do I look like his keeper?" Berlin asked, feeling her lip curl in distaste as she said the word 'keeper'.

"Having that kind of a day, huh?" Nolan smirked, leaning into her space just a little like he thought he was being subtle. "Maybe I could help with that."

Berlin could study people in the finest detail as if through the viewscreen of a camera; she never could understand why people didn't think she'd be able to do the exact same thing outside of camera work as well.

"Maybe. But the faster I drink the sooner it'll be a whole new day, and I drink faster alone," she sassed back with a wink, gathering her newly delivered shots and standing up just quickly enough to make him jerk back but not to spill a drop.

"Y'know, I'm pretty sure I could help you with that too," Nolan drawled, recovering quickly and then shrugging when she smirked and brushed past him without a response.

She thought she heard him muttering you win some, you lose some as she walked away, but if Berlin was honest she didn't care for much more than blurring away the rest of her disappointing evening. The faster she startss drinking, the faster she could try and forget her entire conversation with Tommy had happened at all.

It took knocking back a few before the edges of things started to blur like she wanted them to, but Berlin got there in the end and then she kept right on going.It was nice in a sordid sort of way, much like many a night was in the NeedWant. The burn of liquid sliding down her throat contrasted with the beautiful women bringining her more drinks and the lovely gauzy fabrics that hid her pain away at her little corner table, protecting her from the other patrons curious gazes.

Leaving her little cocoon of cushions and empty shot glasses was hard, but eventually the bar started to empty out as dawn approached and Berlin felt able to once again square her shoulders and take on the world.

"You gonna be okay to get to work?" Amanda asked with one eye on Berlin and one on the glass she was polishing as Berlin wavered past the bar toward the door.

Berlin gave a negative noise, and then had to press her lips firmly together and swallow hard for a minute.

"Off duty today," she eventually choked out before staggering on, continuing to talk as she went. "Wouldn't drink... like that... if I wasn't."

Amanda just chuckled after her as Berlin reached the door and paused to lay her forehead against the smooth surface for a moment, before flinging it open and then startling backward.

"You!" Berlin said, suddenly very proud of herself for slurring only a little.

Irisa didn't answer, just tilted her head assessingly and gazed straight back at her. If Berlin hadn't been so close, she might have missed the widening of Irisa's eyes in surprise and tightening of muscles in her face and shoulders, like she was bracing for an attack.

Berlin had always admired that about her, even when it infuriated her. That unwavering dismissal of the world around - the beautiful strength behind it.

"It's your fault my head hurts," she accused, immediately wincing at her own words and the way her tongue was still loosened with drink before she had even finished speaking.

_Great work there Jessica, real smooth._

"Somehow I doubt that," Irisa replied flatly, arching a pointed eyebrow at the NeedWant sign above their heads and then moving to brush past Berlin into the bar.

"No, you are." Berlin flung out a hand and locked it around Irisa's elbow before she could go to far, her head spinning with the sudden movement but determined not to let go. "I'm not talking about the pending hangover, I can handle myself just fine."

Irisa wordlessly tried to tug herself out from Berlin's grip, growling under breath when she couldn't free herself easily.

"Let me go," she snarled.

"No," Berlin snarled back. "No, we need to talk, and we need to talk now." Then she planted her free hand in the centre of Irisa's chest and pushed. Hard. Hard enough to shove her inside the bar, past Amanda's surprised exclamation, and into one of the now many empty tables.

"What the hell are you even talking abo-" 

"Shut up, Irisa. I'm talking about Tommy, and about you, and about me."

Berlin paused long enough to take a seat and rub weary fingers against the headache blooming behind her forehead. Amanda glided over to drop a pitcher of water and two glasses, and then disappeared into the back, and Berlin sighed.

This wasn't the ideal time or place, but then she'd found that ideal was never really much of an option in Defiance.

"I'm talking about whatever the hell happened to make Tommy decide he didn't want to leave anymore. I don't know what went on yesterday, he won't tell me schtako, and I'm telling you right here and right now that that's got to change."

"... I don't know what you want me to say," Irisa finally said, after a long pause. "You should really talk to Tommy."

"No," Berlin said, dropping her hand down with a sigh and sitting back in her seat. She knew she looked like hell, her hair in disarray, but even on her worst day Berlin knew how to look intimidating when she needed to. "You both need to talk to me."

"I don't-"

"Irisa, stop. I'm not...scared, or whatever it is you're thinking, of what you two have together. I want in. I'm smart, adaptable, loyal... and I'm very determined."

Irisa just blinked back at her.

Berlin sighed in defeat. "Tommy and I have a good thing going and I'm not willing to give that up, but that doesn't mean this" she gestured vaguely between them, "can't work out too."

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Amanda peering back around the corner, obviously checking if the coast was clear - and that made Berlin grit her teeth and wobble back to her feet. The NeedWant had been good to her, no need to presume on the illusion of privacy when Irisa wouldn't talk back, never would talk back, not without time to think on it and turn it over in from every angle in her mind first.

"This world we live in makes it necessary to keep as many people around us as possible, and I'm a good person to have at your back," Berlin said with a final decisive nod. "Just think about it."

Irisa didn't speak up or follow Berlin out into the steadily rising glare and bustle of the morning, but Berlin didn't expect her too. Hopefully she'd planted a seed, and it would be enough.


End file.
